Category: Parents Zone

Children are two different beings at home and school？

Written by: Dr. Szeto Wing Fu, Chairman of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

 

A teacher asked me, “Many parents seek my advice on education and disciplining their children. As a new teacher with limited life experience, I often feel inadequate in dealing with complex education policies and child-rearing issues. What should I do?”

 

Every semester, the school arranges one or two opportunities for parents to meet with teachers and discuss their children’s performance at school. As a father, I always strive to attend these meetings together with my wife. After each brief gathering, our son would eagerly ask and want to know what we discussed with the teacher about him. Recently, the teacher mentioned that our son is relatively quiet at school, not very proactive, and often takes on the role of an “observer.” My wife couldn’t wait to say that he is completely different at home, very active and full of “many opinions.” The teacher’s reaction was not surprised but rather smiled continuously, seemingly very accepting of the fact that children can present different sides at home and at school.

My wife naturally looked at the teacher with expectant eyes, hoping to get some guidance on how to make our child more proactive in the learning environment. Fortunately, I spoke a few “fair” words, recalling how our son was fearful and often a “lone ranger” when he first started school last year. Over the past year, our evening prayers with our son have always included a request to our Heavenly Father to make him braver, and this year he has made much progress. On the way home, I also reminded my wife that there are no standard answers or miraculous remedies for many things, and the teacher, being younger than us and not yet a parent, still has experience in dealing with different children. Therefore, it is most important for parents and teachers to communicate more on the children’s journey of growth.

 

Embracing Our True Selves

Recently, a parent asked me: “My child is very well-behaved at school, a courteous and exemplary student, but at home, he often throws tantrums. Why does he have such different behaviors in front of others and at home? How should I handle this?”

 

During the first semester of my son’s primary one, there were two consecutive weeks of “inexplicable” incidents, such as his beloved “Sergeant” watch going missing, books found in the trash bin, exercise books doodled and torn. My wife and I were both baffled and still wanted to unravel the mystery in our hearts: who could be behind these incidents?

On Monday morning, my wife went to the school to discuss the incident with the teacher. However, just before leaving, I firmly told my wife, “No matter the doodles, tears, or books being treated as garbage, I am certain that our son didn’t do any of these.” She asked, “Why are you so sure?” My answer was, “Because he is my son, and I have been with him as he grew up. I know his temperament like the back of my hand.” Eventually, it was found that his neighboring classmate was responsible for those actions. Since that day, I noticed a “subtle” change in our child’s behavior between school and home – at school, he seemed to have learned that it is a community: crossing certain boundaries with books would upset classmates, and the teachers were like referees, and to “survive” he had to understand the “rules of the game.” But when he came home after school, he would immediately embrace his true self, because at home, he had his dad and mom, who understood him the most.

 

In fact, isn’t it true that in the adult world, we also have a different self during the day and at night?

 

Happiness is actually simple – enjoy quality time with children

Written by: Marriage and Family Therapist, Child Play Therapist, Lee Wai Chee

 

Everyone hopes to find happiness, and parents are certainly no exception. Many times, parents are even willing to sacrifice their own immediate needs and happiness, hoping to exchange them for their children’s “happy life” in the future.

 

Most parents understand that their children’s future “happiness” is by no means guaranteed one hundred percent. However, many parents believe that not striving today will inevitably lead to failure tomorrow. In addition, the social atmosphere advocates “doing more is better than doing less,” and even considers not doing anything as laziness and passivity. As a result, all parents and children find themselves doing more and more, gradually losing their direction.

 

In online discussion forums, I often see some parents criticizing society and the education system for putting excessive pressure on children, stifling their growth space. However, on the other hand, they helplessly push their children to do various exercises every day, showing their helplessness and sense of powerlessness. The contradictions and dilemmas faced by parents are understandable, but these fears and anxieties can cause parents to easily miss the insights that children give us.

When a baby is born, they live a simple, direct, and natural life every day. When they are hungry, they eat; when they are full, they sleep; and when they wake up, they play. They explore the world in their own way and interact with the people around them. They laugh heartily when they are happy and cry out loudly when they are sad. Children tell us that human needs are actually quite simple, and as long as these needs are satisfied, they will be happy. It’s just that the adult world has become increasingly complex, and people’s desires have grown, causing adults to forget even their own needs and, as a result, become increasingly unhappy. Ironically, we still assume that we understand the “key” to a “happy life” and teach children how to find happiness.

 

Today’s society is filled with the anxiety and unease of adults who fear being marginalized by society and worry that their stable lives are threatened. As parents, they are even more concerned about their children’s future lives. In fact, children understand the essence of happiness best because they naturally live freely and at ease. However, somewhere along the way, parents hope that their children can adapt to the distorted rules of the real world as soon as possible, inadvertently erasing their natural and childlike qualities.

 

A child’s growth takes time. If parents can observe their lives with a calm mind, be patient, slow down, and enjoy every moment spent with their children, they may rediscover that happiness is not in the future but in the present moment.

How to enhance children’s resilience?

Source: Education expert, Cheung Jok Fong

 

I attended a lecture by “Warrior of Regeneration,” Miss Yeung Siu Fong, earlier. She shared her experience of losing both hands in an accident at the age of nine. However, she did not give up and instead equipped herself more actively. With hard work, she not only became a swimming athlete in the Asian Games but also started art creation by using her feet in place of hands. She successfully enrolled in the Hong Kong Academy of Arts and became an inclusive artist. In 2011, she was selected as one of the “Ten Most Touching Hong Kong Figures” and became a “Hong Kong Spirit Ambassador” in 2013. After the lecture, I asked some classmates for their opinions, and they all expressed that if they encounter difficulties in the future, they will no longer be afraid because they believe that there is always a way to solve things and they want to face difficulties as positively as Sister Siu Fong.

 

Cultivating resilience from an early age

In the journey of life, we will inevitably encounter adversities. At that time, how should we face them with the right mentality and approach? Nowadays, parents often invest a lot of effort in their children’s academic performance, hoping that they can “win at the starting line.” However, while pursuing academic excellence, it is equally important to cultivate a spirit of perseverance. Unfortunately, some people choose different ways to escape when faced with difficulties, and some may even be so disheartened that they end their precious lives, which is truly regrettable. As educators, we have a responsibility to help students enhance their ability to cope with adversity, and this resilience needs to be cultivated from an early age.

 

Three key elements to enhance resilience

 

Experts point out that there are three key elements to enhance resilience: “optimism,” “efficacy,” and “belongingness.” “Optimism” is easy to understand literally; it means having hope for the future and believing that there is always a way to solve problems. This is the attitude one should adopt when facing difficulties. “Efficacy” includes how to manage emotions and establish problem-solving methods when facing challenges, which represents the ability needed to overcome difficulties. “Belongingness” refers to the care and support from people around the individual in question.

For children, the roles of family members and teachers are especially important. For example, when a child faces academic difficulties, if they can feel the care and support from their parents and teachers, and not be treated with disdain, scolded, or spoken to harshly because of low grades, but instead walk alongside them and seek ways to improve their academic performance, it will make them feel that their family and school are a place of “shelter from the storm.” In short, “belongingness” is the cornerstone for establishing “optimism” and “efficacy,” and it serves as the motivation provided to those facing challenges.

 

Cultivating resilience starts with small things

 

So, how can we cultivate children’s resilience in daily life? Should we wait until they encounter setbacks to teach them? In fact, we can start with some small things. Take skipping rope as an example. No child is born knowing how to skip rope. At this time, parents can encourage them and let them believe that they are capable of learning, which is the aforementioned “optimism.” Additionally, parents can assist from the side or demonstrate the correct way to skip rope, making them feel that their parents are accompanying them and going through difficulties together, which is the “belongingness” mentioned earlier. After the child experiences a taste of success after a few attempts, they can try to figure out how to coordinate their body and master the technique of skipping rope on their own, which is the “efficacy” mentioned above.

 

In conclusion, we can teach children from an early age to face difficulties with an optimistic and positive attitude and provide them with opportunities for self-challenge. More importantly, let them feel the support and care from the people around them.

How to use music to learn a language?

Source: Speech Therapist, Miss Carley

In order to help children learn a language, parents use various methods. Have you ever considered singing as one of the methods? Music is an international language and is highly engaging for children. We also have many different ways to use music to assist children in language learning.

One simple method is called “lyric filling.” This method can be used for children who may not yet be able to speak or can only say a few words. Parents can try using this method. Choose a familiar song that the child knows, such as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” However, instead of singing the entire song, use a single syllable to sing the entire song, for example, “ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma.” Then suddenly stop and wait for the child to hum or sing the remaining syllable. Parents can encourage the child to vocalize that particular syllable.

Source: Speech Therapist, Miss Carley

In order to help children learn a language, parents use various methods. Have you ever considered singing as one of the methods? Music is an international language and is highly engaging for children. We also have many different ways to use music to assist children in language learning.

One simple method is called “lyric filling.” This method can be used for children who may not yet be able to speak or can only say a few words. Parents can try using this method. Choose a familiar song that the child knows, such as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” However, instead of singing the entire song, use a single syllable to sing the entire song, for example, “ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma.” Then suddenly stop and wait for the child to hum or sing the remaining syllable. Parents can encourage the child to vocalize that particular syllable.

If we want to teach children the English names of the days of the week, we can sing “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday” with them. By incorporating vocabulary into music, it makes it easier for children to remember the words.

The fourth method is to try singing out certain phrases, similar to singing. We can also use props to assist, such as simple flashcards. For example, if we want to say, “Chan Siu Ming is eating an apple,” we can sing it out using a musical approach, which enhances the child’s motivation and interest in communication.

Common questions about promoting to Primary School: Experts answer for you

Source: Education expert, Chiu Wing Tak

 

Question: In the scoring system for enrolling in Primary One, how are twins scored? If the two have different personalities, should they choose to attend the same school for convenience?

 

Answer: Actually, there is a system in place for twins. There are two possibilities: both are accepted, or neither is accepted. If both are accepted, both children will receive an additional 5 points. It is not a matter of distinguishing between “older twin” or “younger twin.” If the two children have different personalities, it doesn’t matter. In the school I used to work at, we often admitted twins, and if their personalities were different, we would assign them to different classes.

 

Each class is taught by teachers with different personalities, who can cater to students with different personalities, so parents can rest assured. It’s not necessary to enroll them in two different schools, as it would be burdensome for parents. However, in the case of direct subsidized schools or private schools, extra caution is needed, as there may be situations where one child is accepted while the other is not.

Question: Is applying to 20 direct subsidized or private primary schools the minimum requirement?

 

Answer: This really depends on individual circumstances, and every parent’s situation is different. Some parents apply to many schools out of concern. The key factor is how many schools you actually interview with. If you plan to apply to 20 schools, scheduling conflicts can become quite severe. However, the most important thing is not to burden the child too much. If the child is suffering, it will also cause distress for the parents.

 

Another question is, why are you applying to 20 schools? Some parents claim it’s to let their child “warm up.” But actually, you don’t need to apply to 20 schools just to warm up. If you drive the car a few times, you can warm up, right? So there’s no need to apply to 20 schools; around 5 or 6 would be sufficient. Additionally, if a child has to attend multiple interviews, their performance will gradually decline because they will become tired and exhausted. When they start giving up or feeling unsuccessful, it can greatly impact their confidence.

Question: If the first-choice primary school’s first-round interview clashes with the second-round interview of the second-choice school, both of which are popular schools, and the second-choice school has a higher chance of acceptance with the second-round interview, it seems wasteful to give up the second-round interview after the child’s previous efforts. How should I make a choice?

 

Answer: Are both schools equally liked by the parent? If both schools are equally liked, then of course, choosing the second-round interview school would be the option. Because with the second-round interview, there is a high chance of proceeding to the third round and then getting accepted. If you don’t equally like both schools, even if you have a second-round interview, it won’t be useful. So the key point is whether you equally like both schools. If you really like the first-round interview school, I think you should choose that one because if you are accepted to a school you really like, you will definitely go there. So the choice should not be based on which round of the interview but rather on which school you like the most.

 

Question: Do prestigious primary schools consider parents’ backgrounds? Will they discount the child’s admission if the parents do not hold prominent positions?

 

Answer: If it is a government or subsidized school, there is actually no place to fill in the parents’ background. They only consider whether you have hereditary status, whether your scores are sufficient, and whether you are lucky enough. So government or subsidized schools do not consider parents’ backgrounds. But if you are applying to a private or direct subsidized schools, there may be opportunities for them to inquire about your background or require you to provide such information. In the past, many parents were concerned that they didn’t have prestigious occupations, or their positions were ordinary, and they wondered if the school would reject their child because of that.

 

In my opinion, many educators, even in prestigious schools, do not necessarily consider parents’ backgrounds. They truly focus on the child themselves, and some schools may not even interview the parents. Of course, there are some prestigious schools that are concerned about the family’s income or support, but it may not necessarily be related to the parents’ occupation. However, parents should not decide not to apply to those schools just because they do not hold prominent positions.

Why do children experience recurrent respiratory infections?

Source: Registered Chinese medicine practitioner, Tsui Chak Cheong

 

If a child frequently experiences recurrent respiratory infections, such as frequent colds and coughs, from the perspective of Chinese medicine, it is also caused by deficiency of Qi in the lung and spleen and deficiency of the lung and spleen, leading to a weakened immune system. These children often feel tired due to lung qi deficiency and may lack energy when speaking. If they have spleen deficiency, they may experience loss of appetite or easily have diarrhea. From the Chinese medicine standpoint, the focus is on taking care of the lung and spleen, which involves nurturing their qi to enhance their resistance.

 

If a child has just recovered from an illness but quickly falls ill again or experiences recurrent respiratory infections, it falls under the category of recurrent respiratory infections. For example, after recovering from an illness, the child may catch another cold within one or two weeks, leading to another respiratory infection. From the Chinese medicine perspective, it can be determined as recurrent respiratory infections in children, where the frequency and number of illnesses are higher than average.

Or it could be that in the past, it wasn’t like this. Previously, you might have gotten sick three times a year, but this year, it’s possible that within just six months, you’ve already been falling ill every month or once every two weeks. In such cases, it’s possible that there are underlying issues with your child’s health.

 

How can diet effectively prevent colds? The key is to have a light and balanced diet, pay attention to nutrition, and maintain a proper balance between activity and rest. In daily meals, it’s important to consume more vitamin C and vitamin A to strengthen the body’s immune system. Parents can prepare carrot soup and try to minimize the consumption of fried, heavily seasoned, and hard-to-digest foods for children because their digestive capacity is still weak, which is a characteristic of spleen deficiency. If children frequently consume fast food or indulge in hard-to-digest and highly seasoned snacks, their bodies may accumulate phlegm and heat. This accumulation, combined with the invasion of external pathogenic factors, can create a susceptibility to frequent colds.

If you want recommended soup, there is a type of soup called “Yukpingfung San.” The main ingredients of it are astragalus, white atractylodes, and saposhnikovia root. When preparing the soup, we can use these three medicinal herbs along with a lean meat and a few honey dates.

Children don’t want to come home after going out. What should parents do?

Source：Registered Clinical Psychologist, Yiu Fong Lee

Sometimes, when parents go out with their children, they often encounter situations where the children are having a great time but then start crying and refuse to go home. They cry uncontrollably, regardless of whether we try to coax them, punish them, or explain the reasons. They may continue crying persistently, and we really don’t know what to do. How can we handle such situations with our children?

First, we need to understand the child’s emotions and ask about the reasons behind their reluctance to go home. What is the reason that makes them not want to go home? Do they want to continue playing? Parents can say to them, “I also want to know what happened. Why don’t you tell me?” Sometimes, in clinical practice, we may hear several different possibilities. For example, the child may say, “I’m very happy because it’s really fun here, and I want to keep playing,” or “I’m scared to go home because I’ll have to do homework or study,” or “I’m afraid of some relatives at home because they might scold me.” By understanding the reasons, we can help the child express their emotions.

The mother can respond by saying, “Mom hears you. You want to continue experiencing this feeling of happiness,” or “Mom hears you. You’re afraid of studying or feel a lot of pressure with exams,” or a third response could be, “You feel scared of certain people at home, and it seems like you’re not happy being around them.” Then, we can brainstorm together with the child to find ways to deal with the situations mentioned above.

For example, in the first scenario where the child wants to continue experiencing the happy feeling, we can brainstorm with them about activities they can do at home that would give them the same sense of happiness. For instance, if they enjoy watching TV, playing on a tablet, or playing board games, they can continue engaging in similar activities or play with toys at home once they return.

The second scenario might involve fear of academic pressure and exams. The mother should explain to the child how to cope with study-related stress. For example, they can create a schedule where different tasks or homework are assigned to different times, letting the child know that after effectively completing these tasks, they will have leisure time. Parents can also engage in mindfulness exercises with the child, such as focused breathing or body scanning, allowing them to feel sensations in different parts of their body and helping reduce stress reactions. Parents can practice together with the child, allowing them to relax and not feel overly anxious about studying and exams.

If the issue revolves around the child’s relationship with family members, it is encouraged to allocate more playtime with relatives or engage in activities the child particularly enjoys together with them. It is also important to have moments of quiet listening, to truly understand what the child fears about the elders. We let them express their thoughts and feelings and listen attentively, making the child feel that the parents understand their world and know their needs.

Another approach is to create a behavior-consequence matching chart with the child before going out, as a form of mental preparation. For example, write down the specific time range for visiting an entertainment venue on the chart. If the child can adhere to the schedule and leave the venue on time, they will earn a reward symbol on the chart. This immediate reward could be their favorite food or the opportunity to obtain their favorite toy.

If the child refuses to leave the entertainment venue, throws a tantrum, or arrives home late, we will also assign a negative symbol on the behavior-consequence matching chart, indicating a negative consequence. For example, it could involve taking away all entertainment privileges for the rest of the evening or even not being able to visit their favorite entertainment venue for a week. This behavior-consequence matching chart should be discussed and created together with the child before going out, and its contents should be reviewed after each outing to ensure its appropriateness. Adjustments can be made to the chart, adding or removing consequences, to provide the child with a clear goal to follow, making them realize that they are expected to return home.

How can parents help young children adapt to primary school life both psychologically and physically？ 

Source:  Professor Chiu Wing Kai, Chair Professor of Sociology at the Education University of Hong Kong.

 

 

It’s already been 5 months into 2023 and summer vacation will be coming soon, followed by the start of the new school year in September. For K3 students to start their primary school life. However, these students have spent most of their 3-year kindergarten education in online classes due to the pandemic, with little face-to-face interaction. How can parents help them adapt to their new academic and social life in terms of their psychological and physical well-being.

 

Students who are promoted to Primary 1 are at most at K2 level because they have not returned to school for at least one full year. There are many things they need to adapt to when transitioning from kindergarten to primary school. These include school schedules, daily routines, and learning styles that are vastly different from what they are used to. Kindergarten classes typically last for around 20 minutes, after which they move on to another subject, but in primary school, classes can be 35 minutes or longer, making it difficult for them to maintain their focus. All of these issues can create significant adaptation problems for young students.

 

So how can parents explain these changes to their children? Firstly, parents should not be too anxious, as many primary schools offer simulation courses and adaptation weeks for new students, as well as school visits. Primary schools are usually much larger than kindergartens, and young students may be excited about the various facilities and opportunities available to them. However, it is best to start talking to them once they begin school, as too much information too soon may be overwhelming. Simply telling them, “Yes, this is what school is like” is often enough.

 

Additionally, some things that young students may not be capable of now do not mean they cannot accomplish them, they just need time to grow and develop. Parents need to remember that every child has a different growth rate. After starting school, observe their emotional changes when they return home from school, and if you notice any issues, pay close attention to them.

It takes time for young children to adapt, but sometimes parents also need to adapt. In kindergarten, we refer to it as the Homeroom (regular class location), where one teacher leads the class, and children usually only see one or two teachers. If parents need to participate or collaborate with the school, they can simply find that teacher. In primary school, each subject has different teachers, so if any issues arise, parents need to consider how to communicate with each teacher.

 

Categories
Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

What to do if your child has eye sores？

Source: Specialist in Ophthalmology, Dr Yu Wang Hon

Eye sore, also known as “stye” in Chinese, refers to the blockage of the sebaceous gland on the eyelid, leading to the accumulation of oil and inflammation. Sometimes, it can be caused by bacterial infection, resulting in an eye sore. What can be done when a child has an eye sore? What can parents do to help relieve their child’s eye sore?

Children have a higher risk of developing eye sores compared to adults because their sebaceous glands are not fully developed, and the channels through which oil is secreted are narrower, making it easier for blockages to occur. However, eye sores in adults are not uncommon either.

When a child or adult has an eye sore, it is generally recommended to apply warm compresses as it helps in the faster dissipation of oil. During the first two to three days of an eye sore in a child, you can start with warm compresses and cleaning. Apply warm compresses at least two to three times a day, using any suitable tool such as a warm towel or even a warm boiled egg. Just ensure that the temperature is not too hot to avoid burning the child’s skin.

If the eye sore does not improve after three days, it is advisable to seek medical attention. The doctor may prescribe antibiotic ointment or even oral antibiotics for treatment, and warm compresses should typically be continued. If the condition does not improve after a week of medication, it may be necessary to seek medical attention again to evaluate if incision and drainage of the eye sore is needed.

To reduce the risk of developing eye sores, proper hygiene is essential. It is recommended to use a cotton ball soaked in boiled or warm water to clean the eyelid, focusing on the area where the eyelashes grow. Both the upper and lower eyelids should be cleaned. Regular warm compresses can also be performed to prevent the blockage of oil glands and reduce the chances of developing eye sores.

How do you teach children correct pronunciation?

Source: Speech therapist, Miss Carley

 

When children learn a language, pronunciation is also an important aspect. There are many pronunciations in English that are not found in Cantonese and are difficult for both children and adults to master. How can parents teach children to pronounce English correctly? What are some tips to use?

 

The English tongue’s sounds can be difficult for children and even adults to master. We can try to use different cueing techniques to teach children to pronounce the sounds correctly. For example, parents can use visual cues, such as looking in the mirror with the child and showing him the tip of his tongue, placed between the two rows of teeth.

In addition, parents can also use verbal cues to clearly tell the child, “Put your tongue in the middle of your two rows of teeth,” so that they know what to do. When necessary, parents can also provide tactile cues, such as using a popsicle stick or spoon to touch the tongue and showing them where to place it for different sounds.

Parents can also try playing simple games with their children to train their listening skills, such as whether they can distinguish between right and wrong in terms of hearing. For example, intentionally mispronouncing a word: “Is ‘fank you’ correct? No, it’s not.” “Is ‘thank you’ correct? Yes, it is.”

This time we have to bite our teeth on the tongue or write the words “free” and “three” on a piece of paper, and then the parent reads out one of the words “three” “You show me which one” and reads “free”, “You show me which one”. If he knows how to distinguish, it will be clearer and easier for him to express himself.